How To Stop Enabling an Addict: Tips You Can Use Today

Substance abuse and addiction are serious problems in the U.S. The 2012 National Survey on Drug Use and Health found that while more than 23 million people needed treatment for a substance use disorder, only 2.5 million received treatment. These numbers suggest that many people are in denial about their substance abuse.

The reasons for denial are complex, but one common reason is enabling from family and friends. As a family member or friend of a loved one struggling with a substance use disorder, it’s natural to want to help them in any way possible. Unfortunately, sometimes the steps you take may actually be enabling their addiction rather than helping them.

Practical Tips for Stopping Enabling

It’s not easy to stop enabling your loved ones, especially if you didn’t realize you were doing it in the first place. Here are some quick, practical tips for moving away from enabling. 

• Stop providing money or other means of financial support, such as paying bills, covering rent or buying groceries.
• Avoid repaying loans your loved one has accrued due to their addiction or providing money so they can pay back “friends” they’ve borrowed money from.
• Avoid joining an addict in their activities, such as getting high or drinking alcohol.
• Stop making excuses for their behavior or helping them by calling in sick or apologizing when they don’t show up for an obligation.
• Do not do anything for them that they should be able to do when they’re sober, such as running errands and completing household chores.
• Be aware of codependent tendencies that cause you to want to rescue or save your loved one.
• Do not give your loved one gifts or items they could pawn or sell for money to buy drugs.
• Do not back down on your consequences for their behavior.
• Don’t give in to threats from your loved one.
• Be sure to set boundaries and stick to them. Boundaries include not bailing them out of jail, not lying on their behalf, not handling their responsibilities, etc.

6 Signs You’re Enabling Addiction

When you love someone, enabling their behavior is easy — even if you don’t realize you’re doing it. While some enabling behaviors are obvious, others are harder to recognize. Signs that you’re enabling your loved one and their substance use disorder can include:

1. You Take On His/Her Responsibilities

If you start changing your schedule to pick up the kids because your loved one is still hungover from last night, or you’re completing your child’s schoolwork because they’re high, you’re enabling their addiction.

2. You Make Excuses for Their Behavior

If you find yourself making excuses for why you’re loved one didn’t attend a family gathering, left an event early or spent all night throwing up, you’re enabling their addiction. While you may feel you’re protecting them, you’re preventing your loved one from taking responsibility for their behavior.

3. You Avoid Talking About Addiction

Maybe you avoid bringing up your child’s prescription pill abuse because you don’t want to cause drama at home. Or you avoid mentioning your concerns to your spouse about their cocaine use in hopes it’ll go away on its own. However, addiction profoundly impacts the brain, and it’s only a matter of time before your loved one’s behavior worsens. As difficult as it may be, the best thing you can do is to address their substance use and its effect on your relationship.

4. You Prioritize Your Loved One’s Needs Above Your Own

When you spend most of your time worrying about your loved one, catering to their needs or ensuring their responsibilities are taken care of instead of focusing on yourself, it’s a sign of enabling.

5. You Provide Help Financially

Substance abuse and addiction are expensive habits. Not only will your loved one need money to buy drugs, but they’ll also likely need money to pay for necessities like gas, rent or groceries.

6. You Clean Up After Their Messes

Maybe you’ve bailed your child, spouse or loved one out of jail. Or you’ve lied to their boss about why they missed work for a week. Cleaning up after their messes only supports their addiction.

The Effects of Enabling an Addict

Enabling an addict is harmful to the addict and the person who is enabling their behaviors. This type of relationship between two people is damaging and does not encourage the addict to seek out treatment for their behaviors. 

Consequences for the Addicted Person

Enabling does not allow an addict to take responsibility for their actions or the consequences of their actions due to their addictive behaviors. An addict may be kept in their addictive behaviors longer if friends and family support their addiction through enabling. 

Consequences for the Enabler

Someone may not mean to enable an addict but is unsure how to help them stop their addictive behaviors. Enabling habits such as drinking with an alcoholic, denying there is a problem or covering up addictive behaviors continue to support an addict. Taking responsibility for an addict can be emotionally exhausting for someone or even become a financial liability if there are legal costs due to addictive behaviors. 

5 Simple Strategies for Stopping Enabling

Stopping the cycle of enabling can be difficult to break, but basic principles can help someone stop enabling an addict.

1. Establish Clear Boundaries

It is important to establish clear boundaries with someone who is an addict. By defining the behaviors you will and will not tolerate, you are not allowing the person engaging in addictive behaviors to break these boundaries. This can look like not allowing them to abuse substances when you are around or refusing to speak to them if they are under the influence of any substances.

2. Embrace the Power of No

Establishing a strong practice of saying no can help stop enabling behavior. Limiting the resources you give to an addict can help reduce enabling. Saying no to financial, emotional or physical resources is a great way to embrace the power of no.

3. Encourage Responsibility

Enabling can often look like making excuses for an addict or covering for their behaviors. Stopping these practices forces the addict to take responsibility for the addictive behaviors or consequences of their actions.

4. Practice Self-Care

Having an addict in your life can be mentally and emotionally exhausting over time. Establishing a good self-care practice can help increase your capacity to practice good boundaries and less enabling behaviors.

5. Seek Professional Help

If you are struggling with enabling behaviors, it can be helpful to seek professional help. A licensed professional can help establish a plan for you to stop enabling the addict in your life.

Finding Addiction Treatment for Your Loved One

Just because you’ve enabled your loved one’s addiction does not mean you can’t get them some help. In fact, the best thing you can do is encourage them to seek treatment for their addiction. It’s not an easy conversation, especially with someone so close to you, which is why the team at The Recovery Village at Palmer Lake is here to help. We offer a variety of treatment programs, including medical detox, outpatient drug treatment programs, partial hospitalization and family programs. If you’re ready to stop being an enabler and help your loved one overcome their addiction, contact us today.

Editor – Theresa Valenzky

Theresa Valenzky graduated from the University of Akron with a Bachelor of Arts in News/Mass Media Communication and a certificate in psychology. She is passionate about providing genuine information to encourage and guide healing in all aspects of life. Read more